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  • Writer's pictureMelony Hill

Do You Feel Like the Reserve Friend? You Deserve Better.

Are You A Ride Or Die Friend?

Are you the type that goes all out for your friends?

Do you drop your plans to support your friend in need?

Have you sat up in the middle of the night listening to their problems, even though you must work early in the morning?

Do they do the same for you?

Those are questions I have found Myself asking a lot over the years, this year especially.

I have always been the ride or die type friend, I use the world “friend” sparingly because it matters to Me. I am quick to differentiate between those I consider associates and those I see as friends. In My world, friends are closer than family. Sadly, like family, many of the people I have considered friends, have left Me high and dry when in need.

Do not get Me wrong, every relationship is different, some change over time; some become stronger, some weaker, some become unbalanced energy and resource exchanges. Those are the relationships I want to discuss today.

If 2020 has done nothing, it has shown us what really matters to each of us, the people we hold dear, and even who we would risk our lives in a pandemic to share an in person laugh with. 2020 has been an eye opener.

Relationships Change and That's Okay

Throughout the year, I have had time to evaluate and end some relationships that had become unbalanced energy exchanges. It has not been an easy process; not only do I no longer speak to people who last year, were integral parts of My day-to-day life, but I also ended My three-year relationship.

The people who exited My life were not bad people, our relationships had just changed, they were unbalanced, and I finally had to decide that I deserved better.

I am sure I am not the only one who has experienced this. It is perfectly fine for any relationship to change, but communication remains key. Going back to school, focusing on the kids, self-care time, who cares, real friendships can survive anything, even cross country, or international moves.

Have you ever felt closer to a stranger on the internet than someone you intimately call friend? If so, it is time to re-evaluate that relationship; it may have changed over time.

I have had relationships change so much that what initially drew Me to the person was no longer there. Even worse, the stranger My friends or partner had been replaced by, was too busy to let Me get to know the new them. They would not disappear totally from My life, but their existence in it would gradually diminish to where I felt like I was chasing them down to catch up or they were spending time with Me out of obligation.

You notice when the “just to chat” calls decrease, when you do not meet for lunch as often, when you are no longer a priority at their special events. Social media let us keep up as your friends create a new life, you root for them, you want them to have everything they dream of. Sometimes, you watch them build a life that casts you as an ancillary character, even though no one tells you that you have been demoted.

Suddenly, you are the friend that gets birthday and holiday calls, when they are not super busy with their new life, they schedule some time with you and are not shy about canceling when something “more important” comes up. When something is wrong, you are on the top of their list because you “understand” them, though you feel as if you do not know them. Memories and the feeling of obligation allow you to put your own feelings aside and be the friend they need.

We Teach People How To Treat Us

In 2021, let us be more aware of how we allow people to treat us. Do not let anyone put you on reserve as if your friendship is a bonus they got with purchase. Your feelings, time, and most importantly, energy are valuable and should be appreciated.

We are leaving unbalanced energy exchanges in 2020. If someone you love or care about has become distant while they are creating or living their best life and you’re tired of trying to figure out where you fit in, ask. Communication is key, whether romantic or platonic, all relationships are energy exchanges and each person in the relationship has their own set of needs.

Ask yourself, is this friendship/relationship fulfilling My needs too? If the answer is no, it is time to re-evaluate it.

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